


Turn my Grief to Grace

by WrittingSparxx



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Happy Ending, and i am very gay for zarya, but that's it, smiling genji is best genji, this could be taken as hate sex?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:07:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24475492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WrittingSparxx/pseuds/WrittingSparxx
Summary: Nothing can bring me peaceI've lost everythingI just wanna feel your embrassGenji hasn't felt whole since his "accident" years ago. He carries the burden of being an in-between. Half man, half machine. When he's accused of being an omnic, he realizes that his identity crisis goes deeper than he thought. A new recruit into Overwatch decides to help him feel whole again.
Relationships: Genji Shimada/Aleksandra "Zarya" Zaryanova
Kudos: 9





	Turn my Grief to Grace

**Author's Note:**

> I was issued a challenge, and I hope I rose to the occasion!

Genji knew that there were some people who were still weary about working with him. After what he liked to refer to as his accident, he could understand why. There was still a lot of tension between people and omnics, and it made sense that people would be weary of him being mostly cybernetic. When he first started to recover he found himself struggling with everything. It wasn’t just because he had to relearn how to use 90% of his body, it was also because he felt completely alone and angry and lost. On the nights when he was trying to learn how to walk again, or on days when talking was more difficult than he remembered, or when his right hand shook as he tried to make a fist or move his shoulder Genji would start to wonder if this was even worth it anymore. Not only was his body in constant agony, but it wasn’t like he had much to live for any more. His brother had betrayed him, his family believed that he was dead, and he had no real other relationships in his life. Sure there was the young doctor who helped to save his life, but while she was pretty, he didn’t feel right trying to hit on his doctor. Genji literally had nothing left to live for. 

But then Overwatch stepped in. They offered him the chance to help the organization and save the world at the same time. Not to mention they had one of the largest cybernetic facilities at their disposal in the world. It was a chance for him to start again and have a new life. Originally starting out in the Blackwatch unit, Genji mostly kept to himself and his few teammates. He kept his distance from everyone else, knowing that he wasn’t necessarily welcomed by some recruits who had joined to fight against people who were just like him. So, Genji stayed quiet, kept to himself, and worked with Blackwatch to better himself and the world that he was in. 

However, the years in Blackwatch took its toll on his body. He soon found himself needing even more cybernetics in order to keep his body from deteriorating or getting too injured. By the time that he was out of Blackwatch’s control he was unrecognizable. If he didn’t know better, Genji would have said that he was an omnic. Now completely under Overwatch, Genji found himself avoiding the new recruits like a plague. It wasn’t necessarily because Genji thought that he was above the new recruits, but he figured that most wouldn’t want anything to do with the cybernetic man that looked exactly like the very enemy that they had signed up to defeat. Not to mention that people around Overwatch got curious about people’s histories very quickly. The last thing that he wanted to do was to bring up his accident. It had already taken him this long to be okay with what happened, he didn’t need a curious new recruit to cause him to spiral again. Plus, if he didn’t get close to anyone then he wouldn’t find himself as devastated when someone died at the hands of Null Sector or the new terrorist group, Talon. No, keeping to himself was the best way to protect himself. 

But, despite his efforts to keep away from people in Overwatch there was one who didn’t give him that opportunity. She was a force to be reckoned with and she never gave him the opportunity to shut her out. She was a new recruit that had joined Overwatch after seeing the destruction that the omnics had caused to her home country. There were a few rumors running around the base that she had been a world champion weightlifter at one point and that she had pulled her weapon of choice off a downed omnic with her bare hands. Other than those few rumors, Genji knew absolutely nothing about the new recruit. It didn’t take long for her to make herself known. 

The two first met as Genji was leaving commissary with McCree. Reinhardt had caught the two of them and introduced the new recruit, Aleksandra Zaryanova, or as she called herself, Zarya. Genji just stood back, away from the other three, letting McCree turn up his usual charm and Reinhardt dominate the conversation like usual. But, even with those two, Zarya kept her eyes on Genji the whole time. No matter how nonchalant he tried to play it off, he could feel her staring at him. Finally, as everyone started to depart, Zarya addressed Genji directly. 

“I didn’t know that they let omnics into this organization,” Zarya said simply. Her Russian accident was thick and dripping with disdain. 

“I am not an omnic,” Genji replied, turning away from Zarya. It hurt to hear someone call him an omnic. He was certain that people thought of him as an omnic already, but actually hearing someone actually call him that to his face was a completely different story. It reminded him just how far away from being the same Genji that he was years ago. Now he felt like he was more of a machine than a man. Zarya just huffed in response before leaving with Reinhardt, leaving Genji with his thoughts and a chatty McCree. 

For the rest of the night, Genji’s mind was wrapped up with the idea that he was honestly mistaken for an omnic. He knew that he didn’t owe anyone an explanation, nor did he have any reason to tell Zarya the story of how he ended up like this, but Genji wanted to do nothing but explain what happened. He wanted to tell her the truth and maybe she would understand. He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to end up more of a machine than a man. He didn’t want to sit there and hear the hydraulics in his legs that moved him, or the small filter that helped him breathe. He didn’t want to hear the liquid rushing through tubes that circulated his blood… Most of the time these weren’t issues. He had grown used to these sounds by now. They were just a part of him. But tonight, with the word ‘omnic’ ringing in his ear, his mechanical parts seemed to be louder than ever. 

Realizing that he wasn’t getting any sleep, Genji decided to get up and head to the base’s gym. At least if he pushed his body to its limits he would pass out and he wouldn’t have to lay there listening to his body betray him. And apparently he wasn’t the only one who had the same idea. When Genji entered he realized that Zarya was already there, easily benching more than what Genji weighed. It was incredibly impressive to watch, just admiring how her muscles moved and how calm she seemed while doing it. It actually caught Genji off guard for a minute, He just stood there, watching her. That was until Zarya spotted him in the mirror. 

“I didn’t know that your kind needed to work out at a gym,” Zarya commented, moving to sit at the end of the bench, her legs slightly spread as she took a towel and wiped the sweat from her forehead.

Genji crossed his arms across his chest, watching her in the mirror. He was trying to decide what he wanted to do. Part of him wanted to leave and let Zarya keep thinking that he was an omnic, but another part of him wanted to tell her the truth. He wanted someone to know the truth and to understand that he wasn’t this monster that she was trying to make him out to be. Exacerbated, Genji reached up, lifting up his face plate to show her his still human face. “How can I convince you that I am still a man?” he asked simply, staring at her in the mirror. 

“I know what you are. I am only sorry that you do not,” Zarya responded simply. She caught Genji’s eye in the mirror, just watching him for a second. 

The two of them just stared at each other for a few seconds. Finally, Genji was the first one to look away. “Maybe you are right,” Genji said, feeling absolutely defeated. If she had made up her mind that he was an omnic there was nothing that he could do to change her mind. 

Zarya huffed, standing up and turning to look at Genji. She was taller than Genji remembered. Or maybe it was because she had been next to Reinhardt she didn’t seem as tall when they first met. It was then that she realized that Zarya could easily hurt him if she wanted to. Planting his feet better, Genji was ready for her to attack him, but instead Zarya reached out, taking Genji by the chin and forcing him to look at her. When Zarya wasn’t looking at him with complete disdain, she was one of the most beautiful people that Genji had seen. “I can show you what you are,” Zarya said softly, her eyes raking down Genji’s body. 

“How are you going to do that?” Genji asked, a little scared about what Zarya could be thinking of. 

Zarya smiled slightly, keeping the grip on Genji’s chin. She smiled slightly, catching his eye once more. “You can still feel, right?”she asked. Her words were heavy with implication, something that Genji wasn’t expecting. Curious as to where this might lead, he just nodded slowly. He definitely still had sensors across his body that allowed him to feel pain, and he imagined that he would be able to feel pleasure as well if it came down to it. He hadn’t really gotten the chance to test that theory out since he had recovered. “Then let me help you feel like a man. I’m in room 2642,” Zarya said, finally letting go of Genji’s chin before turning and leaving the gym.

Genji stood there for a moment, stunned about what had happened. Earlier that day, Genji was sure that she was going to murder him. She definitely had the strength to kill him with her bare hands. But now, she was offering to make him feel like a man for the first time in years. Part of him wondered if this was just a set up. After all, cleaning a room of evidence was much easier than cleaning an entire gym. As he stood there, his back against the wall, Genji pondered if he wanted to take the chance of going to her room. If she was going to attack him, he didn’t believe that he would resist it at this point. Genji understood. Most likely if he was in the same situation he would be upset as well. Still, there was a possibility that this was a legitimate offer. And it had been so long since he had felt anything sexual that it would be a welcomed experience. Plus, when Zarya wasn’t so intimidating she was gorgeous. 

It was maybe half an hour after his run-in with Zarya at the gym that Genji had made up his mind. He was ready to face whatever Zarya had in store for him. When he knocked on her door, he didn’t know what to expect. But it definitely wasn’t Zarya in only a sports bra and a pair of shorts, every one of her muscles on display. Genji had never seen someone built like her before, and was completely taken by how good she looked. So much so that he didn’t even know what to say. Part of him wished that he had put his face plate back on because he was sure that he was blushing at the sight of her. 

“I did not expect you to come,” Zarya said simply, opening the door to let Genji in. 

“I was not sure that I would either,” Genji admitted, stepping into the room. He turned and watched as Zarya closed the door. There was no going back now. Genji’s heart was racing, and he was already making note of any escape routes that he might need. But, his escape route didn’t seem necessary. Zarya made no attempt to attack him. Instead, she stepped close, putting a hand on his chest. 

“Let me remind you what it’s like to be a man,” Zarya said softly, running her hand down his chest, stopping at his waist. 

Just that small gesture was enough to set every sensor in Genji’s skin on fire. It had been years since someone touched him like that. It was enough for him to gasp out loud, reaching out to put his hand on top of Zarya’s. He just stood there for a minute, feeling her skin under his fingers, feeling the warmth radiating off of her. He wasn’t warm anymore.

That was all the encouragement that Zarya needed. She leaned forward, kissing Genji deeply. One hand ran up his chest again, the other on his hip as she brought him closer to her. The kiss was soft, tender, and cautious. It was like Zarya was afraid that he would change his mind. He wondered if she was like him: An outcast in her world just hoping for a little bit of human connection. 

Genji reached forward, letting one hand wrap gently around Zarya’s neck. He pulled her closer, deepening the kiss, wanting to be close to her, wanting to give her everything that he could. Genji’s other hand moved from hers, running along the muscles of her stomach, up until his fingertips barely touched the edge of her sports bra. Then he trailed his fingers back down to the edge of her shorts. Zarya emitted a soft moan at the feeling of his fingers running along her skin, and that was all the encouragement that Genji needed. 

Gently, Genji started to push Zarya back toward the bed, happy that she didn’t resist. With her sitting and him standing, she still came up to about his chest. God she was so  _ tall.  _ Kissing her deeply again, Genji reached down, pulling her sports bra up over her head. “You are so beautiful,” Genji said softly, letting his fingers linger on her cheek before moving to run along her shoulders, her arms, her chest. Anywhere that Genji could touch, he let his fingers linger. 

Zarya’s fingers ran along the panels of his legs, his chest, his waist. It was obvious that she was nervous about touching him or how this was going to work out, but she wasn’t shying away. In fact there were a few moments when her fingers dipped lower toward his crotch, only to pull away quickly. Her fingers then went to trail along his waist again and along his back. Zarya pulled Genji closer, placing a few open-mouth kisses along his stomach. The feeling of her breath on his cybernetic skin was almost enough for him to short circuit. Genji gasped, putting his hand in Zarya’s hair and using it almost as an encouragement to stay in place. “Can you feel that?” Zarya asked as she looked up at Genji from under her lashes. One hand stayed by her mouth, slowly running up and down his chest. Her other hand was on the back of his thigh, keeping him close. 

Genji shuddered slightly as her hand trailed up his skin. “Yes,” he whispered softly. He didn’t know that someone could have this kind of power over him. Something as simple as the fingers on the back of his thigh was making him weak in the knees. Partly trying to hide that weakness in his knees, Genji slowly sunk down in front of Zarya. He ran his hands up her thighs to her hips before running them back down again to her knees, just feeling her muscles. The second time that he ran his fingers up her thighs, he went and tugged at the waistband of her shorts, encouraging her to take them off. Zarya obliged, raising her hips to slip out of her shorts and underwear, leaving her completely naked in front of Genji. He noticed that she had a bit of blush across her cheeks, almost making her skin match her hair. 

“You are so beautiful,” Genji said again, letting his fingers run up her thighs once more. Slowly, and still keeping eye contact with her, Genji leaned in, pressing his mouth to the skin on the inside of her skin. Hearing the small gasp from her made Genji smile. He continued to kiss up her leg, passing over her slit and going to kiss back down her opposite leg. The teasing didn’t last long though, as Zarya’s hand reached down to rest on the back of Genji’s head, directing him toward where she really wanted. Genji chuckled to himself, kissing back up the inside of Zarya’s thigh before placing a tentative kiss right above her slit. Zarya let out a soft sigh in response, her legs opening a little further. 

Seeing the reaction from her, Genji just smiled, placing a few more kisses along her slit. When he got to the bottom of her slit he stuck his tongue out, running it along her slit tentatively. Hearing Zarya moan as he reached her clit made him smile. He circled his tongue around her clit a few times, enjoying the sounds that Zarya made. He couldn’t believe how wet Zarya already was. Just the thought of her getting this worked up for him turned him on even more. Going further down, Genji stuck his tongue inside of her slit, finally getting to taste her completely. Without any hesitation he added a finger in as well, causing Zarya to gasp and roll her hips forward. The movement caused Genji to smile, his free hand going to rest at her hip, trying to keep her from bucking up too much. When he was satisfied that Zarya had been worked up enough, Genji added a second finger, hearing her moan under him once again.

Zarya moved her hips under him, adjusting until he hit the spot that made her gasp again. Genji smiled, bringing her closer to the edge. He heard a few whimpers from her, causing Genji to smile. When Genji could feel Zarya’s thighs start to twitch, he pulled away, leaving her on edge. Smiling widely, Genji moved up, leaning over until he was just a few inches above Zarya’s lips. He smiled bright before Zarya’s hand was on the back of his head, pulling him in for a deep, open mouthed kiss. Chuckling slightly, Genji kissed back deeper, moving one of his legs in between Zarya’s thighs. He smiled again, feeling her grinder herself against his thigh. 

“Please,” Zarya whispered, breaking the kiss and looking up at Genji. He looked down at her, his eyes scanning her face. She was beautiful like this. Her skin tinted a slight red from being worked up, her blue eyes blown from lust. She was panting like she had just run a marathon. She was gorgeous. 

“I have not… Not since I have been…” Genji said, all of a sudden feeling nervous. He knew that it would eventually come to this, but still. Now, in the face of actually finishing what he started he was scared. 

“I don’t care. Please. Show me how much of a man you are,” Zarya said, reaching out and pulling Genji closer. 

That was enough for him to regain his confidence. Genji leaned in, kissing Zarya deeply again. He ran one hand up her stomach and over her chest, letting his thumb circle her nipple to tease her. Another smile played at the corner of his lips. It seemed that whenever he was with Zarya he couldn’t stop smiling. Nervously, his other hand reached down to his hip, finding the latch for the panel that was between his legs. Zarya was going to be the first person to see him as naked as he could be since his accident. He was glad to be sharing it with Zarya. Once the protective panel was out of the way, Genji reached down, stroking himself a few times. 

Zarya sat up on her elbows, watching as Genji stroked himself. With her eyes watching him, he felt even more embarrassed than before. He looked away before he gasped, feeling Zarya’s hand on his cock. He looked back toward her. She was stroking him at the same pace that he had been, her blue eyes looking up at him from under her lashes. Seeing her like that made him twitch in her hand. When Zarya’s lips wrapped around his head, his eyes rolled back and he let out a moan. Just something that simple was enough to almost make him blow his load in her mouth. 

Reaching out, Genji wrapped his hand in Zarya’s hair, moaning as she took more of him in her mouth. He gripped a little tighter on her hair, smiling as she moaned at that. Genji didn’t want to push her too much and allowed her to set the pace, sighing deeply as she started to bob up and down on him. He knew that he wasn’t going to last that long after not doing anything for literal years, but he didn’t want to finish this quickly. “Z-zarya,” Genji stuttered out, encouraging her to lean back. 

“Hmmm?” came her reply from around his cock, looking up at him. 

Genji shuddered as he looked down at her beautiful face. She pulled off his cock with a small  _ pop,  _ keeping her hand wrapped around his shaft and stroking slowly. Genji ran his hand through her hair gently. “Let me make you feel good,” Genji whispered softly. 

Zarya’s hand stopped. She looked up at him for a second before nodding and scooting back, spreading her legs. With her lying there, Genji felt like the luckiest man in the world. She was beautiful, strong, and wanted  _ him.  _ Of all people, this goddess of a woman wanted to be with the broken, cybernetic, shell of a man. Genji stepped forward, one hand around his cock as he ran it up and down her slit. His other hand went to cup the side of Zarya’s face. He pulled her close to him, kissing her deeply. At the same time he rolled his hips forward, pushing into her for the first time. She gasped against his lips, letting out a moan right afterwards. As Genji pushed in slowly, he lowered Zarya back onto her back. The hand that was on the back of her head moved so that it was beside her head, supporting him. 

As Genji pressed all the way in, he paused, looking down at Zarya. He paused, leaning in to kiss her softly again. In that moment, as he continued to kiss her slowly over and over again, the rest of the world stopped mattering. It was just that moment. Just the two of them. Zarya was the first person to make him feel whole again. 

After a few seconds, Genji paused his endless stream of kisses, pulling back slightly. “Are you okay?” he asked softly, running a hand through her hair. He didn’t want to start going too fast or move too soon and end up hurting her. Even someone as tough as Zarya could be sensitive to things like that. 

Zarya didn’t respond, instead she just nodded her head furiously, moaning a little as Genji moved a bit. Genji found his footing under him and slowly started to pull out. When he was pulled out just enough so that his tip was still in, he pushed himself off the bed, straightening himself out. Both of his hands went to rest at Zarya’s hips, steadying her as he pushed back in again, going slow. He wanted to do everything in his power to drive Zarya to the edge. When he bottomed out again he rolled his hips against hers, loving the way she gasped and moaned. 

This time he was quicker pulling out, still leaving just the tip in before rolling his hips against Zarya’s, going harder and faster. Each time he pulled out he sped up how fast he pushed into Zarya, loving the sounds of her moaning and gasping out his name. Zarya’s hands were above her head, grasping the bed sheets as she rolled her hips up to meet Genji’s. “Fuck. Fuck me harder,” Zarya gasped out between moans. 

Hearing Zarya’s request, Genji pulled out completely. He tried to catch his breath before smiling. “I would like you to get on top,” he requested, running his hand up Zarya’s thighs. 

“I would crush you,” she pointed out, biting her bottom lip a bit.

“I am stronger than I look,” Genji teased, leaning in and kissing her again. 

When Genji pulled away from the kiss he went to lay back on the bed, stroking himself. He watched as Zarya hesitated for a few seconds before she went to straddle his waist. Her large thighs on the outside of his legs. Her hands were near his head as she arched forward, looking down at him as she lowered herself onto his cock once more. Genji let out a slow exhale, running his hands up Zarya’s thighs and smiling. When she was lowered down completely, Genji reached out and put his hands on her hips. 

“You feel amazing,” Genji said softly, looking up at Zarya. He smiled softly when he noticed the blush across her cheeks. He ran his hands up and down her thighs again, letting Zarya get used to him again. 

Slowly Zarya rolled her hips against Genji’s, making him smile and let out a shuddering breath. It was slow but deliberate. Soon, she rolled her hips again, moaning out. Genji smiled and started to match pace, rolling his hips up against Zarya. Once the two of them seemed to have a good pace, Genji moved his hands from Zarya’s thighs up to her hips. His fingers dug into the soft skin at her hips, encouraging her to go faster as he started to buck his hips up Zarya’s. She took his hint and started rolling her hips against his faster, causing him to moan out once more. 

Genji had already been close. It was a combination of not having sex since before his accident and the way that Zarya was driving him absolutely crazy. Genji could tell that Zarya was close too. Her legs were twitching again. Genji sped up, bucking his hips up against Zarya’s as hard as he could, his hips moving more erratically, moaning as he started to come. He threw his head back, closing his eyes as he heard Zarya swear in Russian above him. He felt Zarya’s walls tighten around him, spurring his orgasm to last longer. The pink-haired woman leaned forward, nearly collapsing on his chest. 

Wrapping his arms around her securely, Genji just kept her close. He ran his hand lazily through Zarya’s hair as they both laid there, panting. After a few seconds Zarya looked up at him, smiling. She leaned in, kissing him slowly again. “We should do that again,” she joked. Her voice was low and raspy. 

“I would not mind that,” Genji said softly, running his fingers through her hair again. He leaned in, kissing her slowly once more. In that moment, as Genji lay there with Zarya on his chest, one arm around her protectively and the other running through soft pink hair, he felt whole again. For the first time in years he felt like he wasn’t hiding anymore. This was where he was supposed to be. 

**Author's Note:**

> As always, you can check me out on [Tumblr](https://writtingsparxx.tumblr.com/)and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/WrittingSparxx)


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